Boundaries

Boundaries

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     Setting boundaries is not easy. Especially when you take into consideration that you not only have to set boundaries for others, but also for yourself. After developing a routine and start focusing on things that bring you joy, you can start the hard work of developing boundaries. Re learning the feeling of accomplishment and regaining focus was the easy stuff and at some points even fun. But setting boundaries isn't as easy. I found it to be a step that set me back to the beginning a few times before I figured it out. I think that being able to properly set boundaries with others and within yourself, you can experience what freedom feels like.

     I say freedom in a internal and emotional sense. We tend to be people pleasers, especially after abuse. Praise feels good so we will extend ourselves far beyond our limits or comfort zones to receive it. Only to get burnt out and often taken advantage of. Its a vicious cycle of self inflicting abuse because that is all you know. You can start to break that cycle by setting some boundaries within yourself and with others. You are becoming aware of your needs, wants, likes, dislikes. You have a routine that is good for you and know that anything added to that routine needs to add to your sense of accomplishment. So now is the time to learn how to say "No".

     "No" seems like a simple word, but as people pleasers it sometimes feels painful to even consider. It can happen vice versa as well. Sometimes saying "yes" or having any kind of answer at all can be painfully hard to do. The key now is to focus on you. Put everything you have worked on up until this point into play. Most situations do not require an immediate response. It may feel like it to you now, but I promise you can take this time before answering. Ask yourself, "Can this become part of my routine?" "Does/will it bring me joy?" "Does it align with my wants, needs, values, and goals?" Be honest with yourself now. When you have the answer, you have set a boundary. Use that boundary to grow. 

     Now I will admit, you will constantly have to set boundaries and create new boundaries throughout your entire life and I don't think it is ever truly easy to do. But it is necessary if you want to continue to grow. Growth can be painful. Remembering that healthy people will respond to boundaries in a healthy way, and unhealthy people will make you feel bad for it and push your limits, can make it easier but it will always be work. This entire process is work and you will cycle back to some and skip over others. The key is to keep trying. You may stumble and feel like you have gone off path but you are always on your path. Get back focused and you will be able to move forward and begin to rebuild.

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